Unexpected blessings

In good and bad times, couples share how faith has affected their marriage

Married for 42 years, Fred and Doris Chandler have experienced an unexpected blessing in their spiritual lives by helping to care for four children—a set of triplets that were born seven weeks prematurely and their baby brother. The Chandlers are pictured with Addy, left, Drew, Alex and Clara, the children of Aaron and Maribeth Smith. (Photo by John Shaughnessy) Click for a larger version.

(Editor’s note: The Criterion invited readers to share their stories of how their faith has had an impact on their marriages, especially in times of joy, struggle, heartbreak and hope. Here are the stories of three couples.)

By John Shaughnessy

Don Wahle calls himself “the luckiest man I know.”

He makes that statement after he describes how a simple yet special moment of faith changed him and deepened his relationship with his wife, Marcia.

“When my wife and I met over 30 years ago, we were both coming out of marriages gone awry due to alcoholic spouses,” Don Wahle begins. “After dating for a while, it was evident that my wife’s Catholic faith was a very important part of her life.

“Even with the Church’s restrictions, due to the divorce, she continued to attend Mass on a regular basis. When she asked me to go with her, I always had some excuse not to. I had not attended any church of any type for over 20 years. However, when we decided to marry, we both wanted a Christian wedding and were married in the Speedway Christian Church.”

Their marriage continued along that same path—she attending Mass, he staying away for the most part—until one day when Marcia asked Don, “Do you know what tomorrow is?”

“That simple question from her began a journey for me that to this very day remains a mystery,” Don Wahle says. “She answered the question for me—‘It’s Ash Wednesday’—and asked if I would go with her. I relented and went. I do not know whether it was the atmosphere of the church, the priest, the Mass itself or, as I like to think, her faith entering my life. But I knew I had to know more about her faith and had to be part of it.

“Since that evening Mass more than 16 years ago, my life was changed forever.”

In the years that followed, the first spouses of Don and Marcia died, Don and Marcia were married in the Church, and Don was received into the full communion of the Church.

That was just the beginning of the transformation in Wahle’s life and his faith.

“If you would have told me many years ago that I would become a lector, eucharistic minister, usher and serve on the facility committee, I would have known you were talking to someone else,” Wahle notes. “We are now members of St. Christopher Parish in Indianapolis, where we attend Mass as a family with our daughter, son-in-law and grandson.

“There is absolutely no way to explain the feeling that I have at every Mass when I am sitting next to my wife and family, listening to the readings, homily and receiving Communion. I reach over, touch my wife’s hand and thank God for this woman he has put in my life.

“I am the luckiest man I know.”

An unexpected blessing

Fred and Doris Chandler consider themselves blessed in many ways.

They have been married for 42 years, and enjoyed long careers of dedicating their lives to teaching and counseling high school students.

The couple has also long appreciated their spiritual home at St. Thomas Aquinas Parish in Indianapolis, a faith community where they have been able to help serve people in need both locally and internationally, including their parish’s relationship with a rural parish in Haiti.

Yet even in their blessings, there have been challenges.

“The toughest part of our life was facing the challenge that we would not be able to have children of our own,” the couple wrote in a letter to The Criterion. “Besides a few hours of baby-sitting for a few nieces and nephews over the years, our experience with raising children has been almost non-existent.”

But that all changed in 2008 when the Chandlers were asked to become part of a team to help provide extra child care for a set of triplets who were born seven weeks prematurely. They have continued to help the working parents, who have since added a baby boy to their family. The Chandlers now assist with the care of the four children every Friday.

“It gives us a great amount of joy,” the couple noted. “We enjoy a relationship with this family that has enriched our lives.”

For the Chandlers, that relationship is one more blessing in a marriage that has always been guided by faith.

“We believe that God has blessed us with an appreciation for the Gospel message, which inspires us to take action to make this a better world for those who have very few resources that we in this country take for granted,” the couple wrote.

“We thank the Sisters of Providence, the Sisters of St. Francis, the monks of Saint Meinrad, the many archdiocesan priests we have known, and the many friends and family members who have spent their lives challenging us to live up to the responsibilities of being a Catholic Christian. We try our best every day.”

Shopping for a church, finding a husband

Pamela Proctor was single then, a self-proclaimed “Baptist girl” who was “shopping” for a church at the time. She never thought that her search for a faith community would also lead to her husband.

“When I met David, I was a Baptist girl and church shopping,” Pamela Proctor recalls. “Through some mutual friends, we became acquainted and started a relationship. I had decided to become Catholic if we became serious, which is what happened. I can tell you now that is the best thing that ever happened to me—becoming Catholic and marrying a faithful Catholic man.”

The Proctors, who are members of Our Lady of the Greenwood Parish in Greenwood, have been married for 30 years, a marriage that has also been blessed with six children.

“Most of those years have been very good, but we have had our share of disappointing contradictions as well,” Pamela Proctor notes. “How we have been able to stay married and happy is because of our faith in God, and the commitment we made to each other in the sacrament of matrimony.

“David has set the example for our family that the sacraments are important. As much as he has been able, he has been a daily Mass communicant. It took me a while and a few kids later to experience the value of daily Mass. The sacrament of reconciliation has also been a valuable routine for us that has allowed us to work on faults, and has been helpful in overcoming our stubborn and sinful patterns.

“David is also a regular adorer in the [parish’s] perpetual adoration chapel. Because of his commitment to prayer and adoration, he is one of the most peaceful and charitable men I know. It has been a tremendous help in our marriage to know that his priorities are God, family and friends.”

While acknowledging that “we have our disagreements and difficulties like most couples do,” she also stresses that “our rich Catholic faith,” “our very good priests,” and the love of family and friends are major parts of the foundation that help keep them together.

“My hope and prayer is we are helping each other and our children to become saints, and one day come to enjoy the beatific vision of heaven.” †

 

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