From strangers to friends

A wondrous transformation in three days helps teens learn to lead and rely on God in life

As part of an icebreaker for high school participants in the Student Leadership Program at Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis, Reaghan Boland, left and Fatima Hernandez show their joy in competing in a three-legged race on Oct. 27. (Submitted photo)

By John Shaughnessy

The transformation in the high school students in just three days always seems magical to Cheryl McSweeney.

It happened again this fall—a change captured in a phone conversation between a mother and her daughter, a sophomore who attended the Student Leadership Program (SLP) at Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis on Oct. 27-29.

The mom shared how she called her daughter during the retreat program and asked, “Hi, honey, how are you?” And it touched the mom’s heart when her child responded, “Mom, this has changed my life.”

The transformation was also evident in the impact that the program had on Cal Cranney, a sophomore from Father Michael Shawe Memorial High School in Madison.

“It was just amazing. And it ended up being a lot more spiritual than I thought,” 15-year-old Cal said on the last day of the retreat. “I really connected with Christ. I felt it the most on Monday when we went into the church and we got our feet washed by the junior leaders. Afterward, we had the option to either stay in the church or go to bed. I stayed in the church for a while just listening and praying, and it was really nice.”

As the adult coordinator of the program which marked its 20th year this fall, McSweeney cherishes these reactions. She also always savors one other notable change that she has witnessed constantly in her 19 years of being involved in the SLP.

“One of the greatest parts of this program is that all of the students arrive on Sunday wearing school colors and names that show division and judgment. And by the time they leave, they are all wearing the same shirt, and you can’t tell who comes from what school,” says McSweeney, the associate director of Fatima. “They have realized that they are more alike than they are different in a way that I don’t believe they get anywhere else.”

So it was again this year for the 56 sophomores from eight Catholic high schools: Bishop Chatard, Brebeuf Jesuit, Cardinal Ritter, Cathedral and Roncalli, all in Indianapolis, and Father Michael Shawe Memorial in Madison, Our Lady of Providence in Clarksville, and St. Theodore Guérin  in Noblesville, Ind., in the Lafayette Diocese.

During the program, all of the sophomores were asked—and even challenged—to do one thing that is hard for nearly everyone to do in a group of strangers, and maybe even more so for teenagers to do.

To allow themselves to be vulnerable, to open their hearts to people they’ve never previously met.

‘It was a little tough’

Hoping to ease the sophomores into that deep sharing, the program began on a beautiful, sunny Sunday with sack races, three-legged races and a scavenger hunt that led the teens to cheer, smile and laugh with each other.

Yet when they first met in small groups to talk about their lives, there was often an awkward period of silence among the teens—for at least 15 minutes or so—until someone finally spoke.

“We talked about being vulnerable,” said Zachary Orr, a 15-year-old sophomore at Our Lady of Providence High School. “We took turns asking questions of each other. That’s where I felt we all opened up to each other. That was different for me. It was a little tough, but I also had encouragement from my peers.”

Another source of encouragement led 15-year-old Erin Iannucci to go beyond her natural tendency to stay quiet in a group of strangers.

“I recently had a retreat,” said Erin, a sophomore at Brebeuf Jesuit Preparatory School. “When I told one of the retreat leaders I was doing this, he said, ‘Well if you want to build actual connections and not just sit there doing nothing, then you actually have to put yourself out there and be like, here’s who I am. And then they’re more willing to do that too.’

“I put myself out there. It was hard, but so worth it.”

The teens talked about the stresses of school and shared the hardships and the hopes they have.

“I’m not a very vulnerable person,” said Andie Papesh, a sophomore at Bishop Chatard High School. “But being around so many people who were being vulnerable, I was able to let myself experience that vulnerability and be that for other people.”

As the students grew closer to each other, McSweeney and SLP co-leader John Hannagan also strived to lead them to another deeper relationship.

With God.

‘I had never really thought about being in relationship with God in that way’

“As with anyone that walks through our doors at Fatima, my hope is for the students to find a connection to God,” McSweeney says. “We have students that give personal witness talks in the chapel on Monday evening, and then we go into a foot-washing ceremony. I’ve had a number of students talk about how powerful that experience is and how close they felt to God during that time—and the change they felt in themselves.

“I can’t explain exactly what happens during this time, but I can tell you that God makes himself very present to these students in a way they have never experienced before.”

Cal Cranney had that experience of drawing closer to Christ after having his feet washed in Fatima’s chapel.

Erin Iannucci, who is looking forward to receiving the sacrament of confirmation during this school year, also felt the program has deepened her relationship with God.

“To be connected with God is to serve other people,” Erin said. “I understand that, but seeing it at this retreat has really helped me to take it farther. I had never really thought about being in relationship with God in that way.”

It’s the kind of reaction from teenagers that leads McSweeney to get emotional.

“Their entire lives are spent learning the history of our faith, the foundation of our faith and the beliefs of our faith, but it’s not often that they have an experience to truly encounter God,” McSweeney said. “They feel like God is untouchable for them and they are not worthy of his love—not all, but many students feel that way. Or they feel shame for not following all of the rules and expectations they have been taught about. This is typical for teens.

“This program provides hope for them and for me. It is a powerful experience for me to see them realize how loved they are by God.”

‘We must learn not only how to give but how to receive’

There’s one more essential part to the program—its emphasis on encouraging the students to be leaders in their schools. By focusing on them as sophomores, SLP gives the students the opportunity to make a difference for the more than 2 1/2 years they still have in high school.

“The true goal is to help students understand what it means to be a servant leader—a leader that empowers and helps to create more leaders, as opposed to a leader who just creates followers,” McSweeney said.

She shares a success story connected to Cathedral High School.

“Cathedral students were concerned years ago about the division between grade levels, so participants in the program went back to the school with suggestions on how to change that,” she says. “The school sent these students to see how other schools dealt with this issue. They came up with the ‘house’ or ‘county’ system which puts students of all different grade levels together in a ‘house’ or ‘county.’ It has provided unification among the students.”

Equally satisfying, McSweeney has seen many of the program’s past participants go on to service leadership roles in education, health care, law, business, faith and other fields.

“I sometimes think about some of the young people who have attended this program. And I am reminded that God does amazing things if we will just get out of his way and let him do what he does best—love,” she says. “Teens need to know they are loved, especially by God.”

In the closing Mass of the program, Father James Farrell shared one more reminder with the students.

“Jesus says the one who is the greatest serves all,” Father Farrell said in his homily. “To become more like him, he gives us the gesture of the washing of the feet to show us what that looks like—‘As I have done for you, so you must do for me’ (Jn 13:15).

“In the body of Christ, we must learn not only how to give but how to receive. Sometimes I’m great at doing for others, so when it comes time to allow someone to do for you, let someone do it. Sure, we’re all called to be servant leaders, but even the servant leader has times when he or she must be served, must be cared for, must experience kindness, love and compassion.”

These three gifts were experienced and shared for three days by 56 sophomores from across central and southern Indiana—a group that began as strangers and became transformed.

“We all just connected so quickly, and it was great,” Cal Cranney said. “Everyone said it was so amazing how quickly we became friends.” †

 

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